Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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