i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she told me i tasted like america
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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