Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
