Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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