I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
