The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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