She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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