help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
