im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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