they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He shit in the fireplace
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
