I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
