OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
