If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
