Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I skipped work to stalk him.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
