He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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