so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
