It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
