Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We are all done wearing pants today
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
