I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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