i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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