She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
