I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
