don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
