Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
