the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
