I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
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