I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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