It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
