I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
