kristin has been a bad kristin
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
