Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
