im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
