Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
