shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
