He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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