So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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