Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
