He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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