as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
They took my balls.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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