Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
