ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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