so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
