If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
