OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
