I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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