Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
