i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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