have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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