I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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