'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
