I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she told me i tasted like america
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
