getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
