im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
