I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
